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Post by juniper on May 1, 2018 19:13:32 GMT
the love compass is one of the first sites i found on attachment theory and i really appreciate the tone.
very different from the other stuff out there ... ummm...
"Bad Boyfriend" 😂
oops, i'm not your target audience, am i? 😑
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Post by Goldilocks on May 1, 2018 20:13:07 GMT
I think the desire to see everyone as a bad "boyfriend" also stems from entitlement issues. Just because someone is not meeting your needs, does not make him bad. Especially when you are feeling entitled to stuff they did not even commit to. For example, if you have a friend with benefits and become upset when it does not lead to further commitment. Or expecting sex in a friendship. Or expecting emotional support from an ex.
That is just bound to lead to disappointment.
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Post by juniper on May 1, 2018 22:45:12 GMT
I think the desire to see everyone as a bad "boyfriend" also stems from entitlement issues. Just because someone is not meeting your needs, does not make him bad. Especially when you are feeling entitled to stuff they did not even commit to. For example, if you have a friend with benefits and become upset when it does not lead to further commitment. Or expecting sex in a friendship. Or expecting emotional support from an ex. That is just bound to lead to disappointment. I tend to see it as a conditioned and accepted victim mentality, and a blatant denial of what all the literature supports: AP is a gawdawful mate for a dismissive and a dismissive is a gawdawful mate for an AP and neither is capable of healthy intimacy without addressing their own issues so the blame thing is simply more garbage, end of. if you don't like your partner, leave. and if you can't, examine your anxious preoccupied attachment injury , no one can solve that problem but the individual who suffers from it. the wound is legitimate and the answers are available but laying all that on an unavailable partner who already told or showed you they are unavailable? UNGOOD. |
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Post by Goldilocks on May 2, 2018 6:52:06 GMT
I also like the concept of working on what is within your circle of influence. In the case of attachment wounding that would include: Healing your attachment woulding. Increasing awareness and influence over your internal processes. Learning better commnication skills; adult-adult conversations, I statements, nonviolent communication. Improving your own behaviours. Learning to self sooth and self care in a healthy way. Improving generosity of spirit. Finding a secure partner or at least a compatible partner: the-love-compass.com/2014/03/15/attachment-pairings-finding-the-best-fit/ |
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Post by juniper on May 6, 2018 4:17:37 GMT
 it seemed like a good place for a Churchill quote 😬 |
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