Post by juniper on May 31, 2018 12:26:25 GMT
I found an interesting site addressing attachment from a neuroscience perspective.
I began to read, but am unable to delve deeply at this time because I'm feeling raw and vulnerable at times, being exposed to memories of past trauma through the impending death of my cruel mother.
I am reprocessing past events with a new lens, automatically, i don't necessarily want to do it but it's all coming up.
I have had painful issues with dissociation/ deactivation in my relationship with my partner and he has been extremely supportive and helpful to me, so even through this i see myself on the path toward greater security.
In fact, we have reached what i consider to be major milestones together throughout this ordeal.
I have been able to share extremely openly and in complete vulnerability, even while deactivating, i have forced myself to speak my reality in the darkest times and his response has been to gently lean in and embrace me. I speak my truth because i care about me and i care about him, and i don't want the pain to win and damage our relationship.
I believe in healing.
His response is i need the most, this is what i have never experienced in an intimate relationship, from a nightmare childhood onward.
Reading this site is validating but also triggering for me.
i wish that i had the resources available right now to get some intense help that i feel i need. Maybe i don't need it, maybe i can continue the hard work i do on my own to address my trauma. I have to press on. There is no emergency, my relationship is stable and continues to be even as i endure deep deactivation through this grief period. These periods of deactivation affect me much more than they do my partner, as he has grown to be able to lean in to me when i need it most. The periods are short, a few days, and i am able to resume with him feeling safer than ever as a result of our joint effort to take care of each other.
As he is dismissive also, i feel that we are a living miracle for each other.
Anyway, here is the link.
healingtraumacenter.com/attachment-styles-2/
I began to read, but am unable to delve deeply at this time because I'm feeling raw and vulnerable at times, being exposed to memories of past trauma through the impending death of my cruel mother.
I am reprocessing past events with a new lens, automatically, i don't necessarily want to do it but it's all coming up.
I have had painful issues with dissociation/ deactivation in my relationship with my partner and he has been extremely supportive and helpful to me, so even through this i see myself on the path toward greater security.
In fact, we have reached what i consider to be major milestones together throughout this ordeal.
I have been able to share extremely openly and in complete vulnerability, even while deactivating, i have forced myself to speak my reality in the darkest times and his response has been to gently lean in and embrace me. I speak my truth because i care about me and i care about him, and i don't want the pain to win and damage our relationship.
I believe in healing.
His response is i need the most, this is what i have never experienced in an intimate relationship, from a nightmare childhood onward.
Reading this site is validating but also triggering for me.
i wish that i had the resources available right now to get some intense help that i feel i need. Maybe i don't need it, maybe i can continue the hard work i do on my own to address my trauma. I have to press on. There is no emergency, my relationship is stable and continues to be even as i endure deep deactivation through this grief period. These periods of deactivation affect me much more than they do my partner, as he has grown to be able to lean in to me when i need it most. The periods are short, a few days, and i am able to resume with him feeling safer than ever as a result of our joint effort to take care of each other.
As he is dismissive also, i feel that we are a living miracle for each other.
Anyway, here is the link.
healingtraumacenter.com/attachment-styles-2/
