Post by juniper on Jun 4, 2018 1:51:43 GMT
I have had a rough go lately, as events around my mother's death have brought new understanding about my life.
I have had a grief process that is complicated,
as my mother was cruel and abusive and in spite of efforts reconcile, she has remained so on her deathbed.
i have accepted that the process i anticipated in taking care of her as she dies, is very different than the one that has actually manifested.
But i am ok. I have new understanding, and have been able to lay a lot to rest. I feel free to live the life i wish to create, from here on out, liberated from a dynamic that was exceedingly harmful.
And, the dynamic dies with her, it is not present in my little family with my kids. the miracle of transformation is real and we create it ourselves.
Today, i am resting from grief and processing, and being thankful.
Over the years, my solace in dark times has been to acknowledge the simple things around me that are so vital, so important, and available to me right now.
My home, or any shelter for that matter, is such a blessing.
My children, of course!
Nourishing food, clean water, i would suffer so much without these things but here they are, and i am so thankful.
I have all the basics, yes, but they are not so basic when one considers a life without them. They are wonderful.
I have much love in my life. I feel it daily. I can reciprocate it. It is something i am able to breathe in and out.
My body is healthy, strong, and comfortable. I don't take this for granted.
I am safe! In every way. I don't feel endangered at all.
this beautiful reality of my life today should never be taken for granted. I relax into it very well and enjoy it, but remain aware of how precious it really is.
On top of all these things we need to survive, i have much more! To name them all would take a long time. And it is a good use of time, so sometimes i do it.
When i turn my attention to those things, as a regular practice, it grows my peace and contentment. When i am happy, i try to take the time to recognize it. This helps me to have more tolerance for unhappiness, because i know there is also something else in my life also, something very good. i do not get lost so easily when the going gets rough.
These are good things to think and talk about i think.
I have had a grief process that is complicated,
as my mother was cruel and abusive and in spite of efforts reconcile, she has remained so on her deathbed.
i have accepted that the process i anticipated in taking care of her as she dies, is very different than the one that has actually manifested.
But i am ok. I have new understanding, and have been able to lay a lot to rest. I feel free to live the life i wish to create, from here on out, liberated from a dynamic that was exceedingly harmful.
And, the dynamic dies with her, it is not present in my little family with my kids. the miracle of transformation is real and we create it ourselves.
Today, i am resting from grief and processing, and being thankful.
Over the years, my solace in dark times has been to acknowledge the simple things around me that are so vital, so important, and available to me right now.
My home, or any shelter for that matter, is such a blessing.
My children, of course!
Nourishing food, clean water, i would suffer so much without these things but here they are, and i am so thankful.
I have all the basics, yes, but they are not so basic when one considers a life without them. They are wonderful.
I have much love in my life. I feel it daily. I can reciprocate it. It is something i am able to breathe in and out.
My body is healthy, strong, and comfortable. I don't take this for granted.
I am safe! In every way. I don't feel endangered at all.
this beautiful reality of my life today should never be taken for granted. I relax into it very well and enjoy it, but remain aware of how precious it really is.
On top of all these things we need to survive, i have much more! To name them all would take a long time. And it is a good use of time, so sometimes i do it.
When i turn my attention to those things, as a regular practice, it grows my peace and contentment. When i am happy, i try to take the time to recognize it. This helps me to have more tolerance for unhappiness, because i know there is also something else in my life also, something very good. i do not get lost so easily when the going gets rough.
These are good things to think and talk about i think.